EZ Cracker...

...a definable object that represents the stupidity of America, or a least some marketroid's perception of that stupidity.

This is not a new thing to me but I was reminded of it's existence last night while shopping at a local low-class big-box. This invention brings up in my mind several things that are wrong with the world and specifically in the US.
The metaphors are myriad.
The funny man in me imagines Dave Chapelle saying in his all too distinctive way "easy, CRACKER!" in response to some hilarious set up involving ridiculously backward and sublimely "racist" content. You can hear it too, right? Yeah, whatever. Which brings me to another point, who the hell thought that this was a good way to brand such a dumb-ass invention? It sounds like some bad remake of Easy Rider, that is if instead of biker hippies we had biker cops tootling around beating up the hippies.
What really bugs me is that some engineer, who you would think was at least semi-intelligent, made this thing. I mean, seriously, this looks like a complicated devices intended to perform the simplest of tasks. So what was the genesis moment here. Some engineer/inventor wakes up one morning and decides that cracking a couple of eggs is TOO hard and that he has a better way? Some dude smoked too much dope and thought, "AW DUDE!.!.! I just had the most rad idea ever!" Whatever the case it is my assertion that people that see this product and think that this is the thing for them should just give up on life. Maybe I am too advanced but it seems to me that this is the sort of thing that is just dumbed down to aid in diluting the gene pool even more.
What's worse is the damn commercial for this overly Rube Goldbergian contraption.



Pretty much everything that could go wrong given a long enough time scale and enough attempts at cracking an egg is presented here. Which brings me to my main point here. Capitalism is pretty damn stupid sometimes. Such that in the modern world any goofy thing can be considered by some to be a decent way to make money. And this device says a lot to that idea. At 20 bucks a pop, disregarding the "bacon wave", this seems a steep price for something that only has one use. And on top of that you get to clean the damn thing every time you use it. I guess in the age of ubiquitous dish washers (I don't have one but most do) this wouldn't be such a big deal. The point here is that marketing like this is literally going to destroy our world. The Ad people are telling us that we are stupid and inept and therefore need some new thing to save us all from the travesty of -INSERT SIMPLE TASK HERE-. And the hucksters think that for the convenience we will gladly pay two to four times over for something that was made dirt cheap in some foreign land. That leads to trade imbalance. Then add in the rampant and skyrocketing laziness here and what do we get? DOOM!
I suppose there is one legitimate reason to buy this specific contraption, that being for the disabled. But in that case this is being marketed all wrong. Fully able and sensible people don't just smash the egg to bits like the Hulk or decapitate them with a fork like an executioner. And if you think that peeling hard boiled eggs (as a fully able person) is hard then maybe you should get the fuck out of the kitchen.

Be sure to watch for such awesome inventions as the "milk jug caddy for kids" no more wimpy youngsters spilling milk everywhere except in the bowl or glass, and the "EZ Flipper" perfect for flipping pancakes, hamburgers, eggs and any thing else that your silly uncoordinated ass couldn't do without some foolishly over-engineered piece of junk taking up space in your kitchen. When it gets to that point you can be sure that the apocalypse is not too far off.